Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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