fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
