In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Your dad touched me again.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
don't judge my taste in strippers
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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