We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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