Nicole vs. Life
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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