i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
