just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
