This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize