Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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