the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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