His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
