So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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