Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
