He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
