I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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