she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
