No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
