i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
