are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
