so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
