I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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