it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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