You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
