How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
nutella sex= disaster
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
