we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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