Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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