I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
