Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize