dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
