Got a toothbrush?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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