I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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