I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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