I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
