standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
