I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
