I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
