so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
