so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
