I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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