I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
