Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
