I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
