Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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