Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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