ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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