How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
