last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
