do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
