So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
