I think i peed on brittanys purse
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
then he tried to convert me to islam
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
