Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
