honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
