she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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