so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
