So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
