I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
