can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
