You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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