You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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