You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
