she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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