I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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