I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Houston, we have a blender
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
