I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
