I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
