just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I cannot find my penis.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
