remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
