dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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