I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize