a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
