Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize