she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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