How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
