Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
