You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
