Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize