I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
