i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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