I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
