There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
