wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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