My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
