I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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