I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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