Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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