when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
