Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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