My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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