Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
