dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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