i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Found the puke drawer
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
