what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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