I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
