The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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