just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
