seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
