why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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