I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
