And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
