I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
