AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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