I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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