lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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