Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
