everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
