i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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