apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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