I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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