I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
