You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
