your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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