brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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