After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
