Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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