I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
